new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
