my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
