the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
