But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The ass gains better be worth it
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
