Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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