i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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