in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
