they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
