You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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