she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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