I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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