just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
