2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Umm I'm too high to move.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
