____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
