question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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