Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please, let me fuck your mom
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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