i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
