I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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