your thong is hanging out like whoa
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
