the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
