I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
