I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He passed out mid-signature
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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