i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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