I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
