Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize