I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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