im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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