i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.