barbara walters just said penis...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.