2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.