girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
