Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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