Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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