I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
