haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
