i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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