i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
