I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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