i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
