he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
soo... how was my night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
