you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
