I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
