I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
