is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
