I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's shark week go big or go home
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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