It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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