It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
