my mouth tastes like poor choices
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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