Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
