my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
