Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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