I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
