I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
