kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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