mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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