whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
