we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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