we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
