i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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