If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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