She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
