i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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