Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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