oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
