dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
