and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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