$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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