He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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