There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm always down for nudity.
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