If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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