im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
