hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
