I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
