In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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