So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
