He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize