ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
