i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize