I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This house was built for laser tag.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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