I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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