Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
